


Praying

by mwrlum



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky Barnes broken dick, Castration, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mute Bucky Barnes, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Poly Relationship, random chapter of an unwritten story, selective mutism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 14:16:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18470638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mwrlum/pseuds/mwrlum
Summary: This fic is part of a longer work that has been brewing. Bucky’s arm was damaged and had to be removed after a battle with his HYDRA abusers. When they escape, Steve goes after them in rage and Sam and Bucky are left to deal with the trauma. Steve now has returned and catches Bucky in the act of masturbating his trauma away. Cue feelings.





	Praying

**Author's Note:**

> First published fic so feedback is encouraged. Not beta-read because I am a lonely writer.

“Hey.”

James was face down on the bed, one knee up and bent at the waist. He turned his face towards Steve when he spoke and then pressed it back into the sheets. He pulled three fingers from his exposed ass. The flush on Steve’s cheeks spread warm all down his front. 

James didn’t say anything. This wasn’t new, as far as Steve had heard. His back trembled, maybe from the effort of holding still, maybe from the need to rut up against the mattress. 

“Hey,” Steve repeated. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to... interrupt.” He was sweaty from a late afternoon run and had come into the bedroom without listening to use the bath. He was heady with adrenaline from the run and Sam’s greedy kiss as he passed on the way to meet with Tony in the hanger. His pulse was pounding in his face and dick, which couldn’t decide if it liked the rare view of James so vulnerable or wanted to wilt at the lack of response on James’s end. The curve of his spine was rigid and Steve could here quick bursts of air against the rumbled blankets. Steve felt incredibly awkward again in James’s presence since he had returned to the compound. 

James finally moved, lifting his front with a hand pressed into what Steve recognized as his weighted blanket, the one that usually stayed folded away in the trunk at the foot of the bed. When he sat back on the sheets, his shoulders were hunched away from Steve, who felt irrational tears stinging his eyes. He blinked hard. James’s dick was flaccid between his legs. Steve took an aborted step towards his friend, and James flinched in that small way with just his eyes, closing them tight for just a breath, bracing, before continuing to watch Steve’s feet. Tracking without raising his eyes. Steve wanted to scream. 

Instead, he choked out, “I’m sorry. I should have—“ Been here, instead of chasing the HYDRA faction half across the country? Supported James through his recovery? Fucking listened to Sam for once in his life?

He took a breath, bracing himself and stepping forward fully, and again, until he could sit at the trunk, far enough away that James hopefully wouldn’t shy. Steve put his hands to his face. “I should have stayed. I know that. I was just so,” he took another shuddering breath, in and out. “ So angry.” James’s eyes were on his back, watching openly while Steve’s gaze was hidden. Steve could feel them on him and hear the soft halting breaths passing over James’s chapped lips. Steve lowered his hands and turned a little, unable to deny himself the proof, beyond a doubt, that James was unequivocally alive. 

Steve felt the need to fall down to his knees to beg forgiveness, or to beg for James to just touch him, anywhere. He yearned for James’s touch even after Sam, he’d always been selfish, always needed to take and take . 

Steve moves his legs around to the side of the trunk so he was a mirror to James, eyeing his bare, bluish knees just as surely as James was eyeing his pink-hued ones. 

The movement of James hand in the tense silence almost made Steve jump. He watched James face, shadowed some by the fall of his hair, as he raised the hand slowly to point questioningly at his own chest. His eyes were downcast and when Steve’s brain finally caught on to the question, Steve ducked his head to try to meet them. He reached out suddenly, unable to keep his hands from James anymore. James flinched again, but stilled as Steve grabbed his hand with both of his own and stayed low to the bed. 

“Not at you, James. Never at you. Just at—“ he waved one hand carelessly, as if to encompass all his fury at HYDRA, at himself, the world. His attention returned suddenly to the situation he had walked into and the flush rose quickly to his cheeks again. “Did you, um, I mean, I could—“ Steve gestured again, towards the doorway. James shimmied his hand from beneath Steve’s, but only to reach out for Steve’s gesturing one, still hanging in the air. Steve finally was able to shut himself up as he watched James bring their hands together to his stubbled jaw. A shaky sigh escaped his lips. 

Steve wanted so badly to move towards him. He was still sat on the truck, twisted awkwardly and stretched across the bed to reach James’s face, one elbow anchoring him. James was blinking slowly at him, looking so open for the first time in so long that it nearly brought tears to Steve’s eyes again. He couldn’t help but crack a smile. 

They stayed like that for a few tender moments before James squeezed his fingers and tugged a bit. He wasn’t quite smiling, but the corners of his eyes were crinkled. Steve finally lifted his elbow off the bed and edged himself onto it fully, stretching his shoulder a bit from the uncomfortable position. James let go his hand and watched his face carefully before bending his leg up between them and going to roll himself over it. 

Steve’s dick thickened as James lowered his torso down, letting the empty socket fall to the sheets first. He was shifting still when Steve put a hand on the metal shoulder, using the heel to put steady pressure just on the flesh side of the ragged join. A sigh punched out from James’s mouth where he had it open on the bed, still watching Steve from beneath lowered lashes. Steve had the sudden desire to see all of James, spread out and easy under his gaze. He shifted his hand to pull gently against James’s shoulder, guiding him to roll onto his back. 

James’s mouth still hung open slightly and his breathing was coming out rougher. He looked incredibly shy as Steve drew his fingers up to his hairline, brushing the strands back gently and then trailing his hand like a whisper down the column of James’s throat, over the join of his shoulder and underneath, where the metal reinforced his ribs. He danced his fingers lightly down the side of James’s torso, coming to pause at the too sharp hipbone. 

The air was coming ragged through James’s lips. Steve’s eyes traveled over his face, taking in the dark circles, the stubble, the thinness of his cheeks. His face was as haunted as when Steve had found him strapped to the table in Zola’s lab. Steve needed suddenly to change the angle away from that nightmare and so he laid down next to James, who kept his eyes low on Steve’s face. When Steve’s fingers traced meaningless shapes over James’s hip, he let out a low whine and nodded his head meekly. 

James lifted his bent knee up closer to his torso and closed his eyes with a sigh as Steve’s fingers traced ever lower. It was the first time he had himself stop looking, stop tracking Steve’s movements since the younger man had entered the room. Steve let his hand ghost over James dick, which had chubbed up just enough to lay not quite limp against his pubic bone. He guided his other hand under James’s neck to tug himself right up against his empty socket. James leveraged his raised leg between their bodies and let out a soft, shocked noise when Steve pressed with gentle fingers against the scar tissue behind his dick. There was no wetness there, nor further back as Steve had expected. 

“You didn’t use lube?” he asked against James’s forehead where James had pressed close. He ducked his head lower to Steve’s neck and shame radiated from his warm body. Steve reached from around the man’s shoulder to lift his chin slightly. James’s eyes were open but lowered once again. 

“We don’t have to talk about it right now,” he said gently as he disentangled himself. “ But I’m gonna get it now, okay?” He didn’t release James entirely until he received a nod of agreement. James lifted himself up onto his one elbow to watch as Steve rummaged in the night stand. Steve paused for a moment upon completing his mission, and then stripped his cotton shirt off in one quick motion. He made deliberate eye contact as he squeezed a larger than necessary dollop onto two fingers. Overcompensating was sometimes necessary when James needed a hand and didn’t feel especially good about himself. 

When Steve went to return to his place at James’s left side, the man caught him with a hand stretched across his torso and guided Steve until he was hovering just above him. James’s hand was pressed carefully against Steve’s sternum until he settled with most of his weight on a bent elbow. James was looking down again, hiding behind his lashes, as he moved his hands across Steve’s chest, a thumb glancing off of a nipple, and continuing over his ribcage, fitting a finger between each one. His cool fingers never stilled as they rubbed slowly down each vertebrae. James’s leg again pressed open against Steve’s side. 

Steve was glad he had left his shorts on so he couldn’t rub himself off skin to skin against James’s ass. This wasn’t about him and he owed James what he wanted. His fingers returned again to the scars of James’s scrotum and spread the lube slowly around and finally into James’s hole. He pressed his forehead down against James’s as a soft whine escaped him. Steve inched in one finger bit by bit until he saw James’s eye drop closed and his mouth drop open again. He was breathing faster now than when he had first told Steve, in his way, what he wanted, what he needed. Steve pulled his finger out slowly until he was pulling lightly at James’s rim and then pushed in with two at the same steady pace. By the time his knuckles were pressed against James’s perineum, the man was nodding against Steve’s face and making these small bitten-back noises that made Steve want to come in his shorts like a needy teenager. 

“What do you want?” Steve lowered his mouth to James’s neck and nipped lightly and another little whine escaped James. “My mouth? My hand on you? Or—“ Steve was still knuckle-deep in James’s ass, scissoring his fingers, and he brushed both now over James’s prostate. James’s fingers tightened against Steve’s back and he moaned raggedly into Steve’s hair. His hips were trembling, so Steve pressed his thumb up gently against his perineum. He circled his thumb and started to pump his fingers a hair quicker than before. James whimpered against his head. 

“There we go,” Steve alternated kissing and murmuring against James’s neck. “I’ve got you, James. That’s what you needed, isn’t it.” James let out a sob before cutting it off. “You’re so good, James, such a good boy.” Steve nuzzled his nose against the hard cut of collarbone. “You can let it all go, James, I’m here now.” 

James tensed around Steve’s fingers just before he came. His dick was still only half-hard, and the orgasm sounded forced out of him. His face was frozen in an expression of shock and relief at the moment he shot a weak streak of come up towards his belly button. 

Steve kept circling his prostate for a few moments as come dripped slowly from James’s slit, and then removed his fingers and lowered his mouth down to lick the mess from the short wirey hairs around James’s dick. He twitched minutely from the stimulation, but mostly laid blissed out and soft against the sheets, his hand cradling Steve’s head. 

Steve was mostly able to continue to ignore his own erection as he moved the two of them slowly up the bed until they were no longer tangled in the sheets and Steve could wrap James up in the blankets and his own warmth.

They both drifted along the wave of sleep for what could have been hours before James came back to himself fully, blinking his eyes and tensing his muscles just to feel them relax. He blinked up at Steve like he had only just realized who’s arms he was cocooned in. Then he snuggled down deeper into the nest of blankets and Steve. He pressed a soft-lipped kiss to Steve’s sternum. 

It was all the benediction he needed.


End file.
